I fell asleep when I was crying, I didn’t know what was the time! all I wanted is to sleep to run away from my thoughts, to not see that monster.

I wake up, looked at the watch, it was 5 am, I wanted to drink water, I went down the stairs, I saw him sitting on a couch in the living room, sleeping, a bottle of beer beside him on the floor, a book in his hands, I left him, I didn’t want to wake him up, to not see me, I went to take water, then when I was going back, I saw him, he was in front of my face, I got afraid a little bit, the glass fell down and broke, He said:

– are you afraid or something?

– yes, you should make any sound, not to sneak at someone like that.

– oh, really?!! why? you’re not someone, you’re my brother’s wife.

– WAS! was your brother’s wife, he’s dead now.

– you should be dead not him!!!

-WHAT?! why you hate me so much?

– Because you killed my family, you destroyed my life.

– I didn’t do anything, I said that before and I will say it always.

-MMMM

-what mmm??

-Nothing, go to sleep.

– I don’t want.

-Go or I will make you go.

I was afraid that he’ll do like what he did before, so I went to the room quickly, didn’t see behind me, I didn’t want him to see my face becoming red from remembering this filthy memory.

I sat, but then he got in the room and put the water beside me, he came closer, I was closing my eyes to make him think that I slept, but he said:

– I know you’re not sleep

I didn’t talk, he took my hands, this time he was gentle, he made me look at him, I couldn’t resist, he was sitting on the bed, I was afraid that this bed gonna break apart because it’s so weak, I looked at him, he kept looking in my eyes, I felt that I’ll be weak in front of him, that I can’t resist his eyes, his attraction, He said:

– you can’t…..

– can’t what?

– resist!

– resist you?

-yes

-who said that?

– your eyes….

– Now you’re a prof. on eyes’ language?

– Why you’re so beautiful?

– I’m normal.

– No, you’re not? you’re so so beautiful!

He got closer, his warm breath was so close, we breathed the same air, I was giving up to him, I was afraid, but I felt safe at the same time, He said:

– why?

He took my face in his hands and made me so close, I didn’t understand his question… He completed

-Why do you this?

-do what?

-Make me like that!

-Make you how?

He shooshed me putting his finger on my lips, his forehead on mine, his breathing is my breathing, his hands holding my face, we closed our eyes, suddenly he pushed me away, then said:

– I know now why my brother loved you, your beautifulness is the curse that destroyed my brother and I won’t let you destroy me too.

He got out and left me alone, left me with shattered in my heart, why he does this? why he thinks that I killed his family? why he hates me?

Many questions made me fell apart, many questions made me afraid, want to run away, I didn’t know that my heart is telling me that this man, this monster is the one, my mind wants to run, my heart wants to stay, who should I listen to? what should I do? all those questions made me fell asleep, deeply asleep……

Days went like wind, fast wind, we didn’t talk much, we eat and sleep, that life is a hell, he always want to stay away,  I want to stay away from him too, the house has finished, back like it was before, but beautiful, it been a month now, he made that house a jail to me, I can’t go out, I can’t even call anyone, he said to my friends that I’m away to do some meditation therapy because I’m sad for my husband’s death, I didn’t fight with him, I didn’t even care what he says or does, all I wanted is to go away from him, but he won’t let me do that….

#to_be_continued