The waiter came with our order, I put my eyes on my plate, begun to eat, I didn’t want to look at him, he was drinking his red wine, looking at me like a hunter looks at his prey, I shivered, I hate that feeling of him getting through me, hate his eyes that can read me like an open book, hate his lips that kissed me and felt that he was sipping his favorite wine, hate his handsome, attractive face that can make any woman fall in him.
I was eating, but I couldn’t take this anymore, I throw my fork and knife, I looked to him and asked:
-You’ll keep looking to me, you won’t eat?
-I like watching you
-I don’t like that!
-What? watching you?!
-Because you make me feel awkward or shy or call it whatever you like!
-Do I make you feel awkward or shy or Do I make you feel something else?
-What do you mean?
-You know what I mean!
-I hate when you talk by riddles
He stood up, walked toward me, he gave me his hand and asked:
-Will you dance with me??
I didn’t realize that there was a music, I didn’t know what to say, I just took his hand and went to with him to the dance floor, the sound of the piano playing that beautiful classic piece was so wonderful, Chris pulled me closer to him, I felt him a giant or something, or I can say that I felt myself so little between his hands, dancing with him was like flying, I don’t know what happened to me, all I knew then that I just want the time to stop and let me enjoy this moment.
He whispered to me:
-Just admit it!
-That you want me too.
I didn’t say anything, I looked at him, he held my chain then he kissed me, this time was gentle, strong be gentle, I didn’t realize that I gave up, that I forgot where were we? that I was sinking in him, that I was losing myself.
We got back to our table, we didn’t talk much, we completed our dinner, then he got his car and asked the driver to leave, I didn’t ask why I just remain silent, we ride the car, he drove, I didn’t even ask where were we going? then I found out that he took me to a place almost empty except a beautiful house, not so big but beautiful with a garden full of roses, full of trees, he took me inside the house, it was so classical, so quite, a place where you can relax, read or write, or just stay calm far away from traffic, work and the noises of New York’s life.
I found myself going around the house, I got inside one of the rooms, they were 3 rooms, the one I got inside was a study room, it had a typewriter and old gramophone, I stunned like I’m getting inside an old house from early 19th century or 20th century, I got closer to the desk that held the typewriter, I touched it, it was beautiful, I like old things, then I went to the gramophone and put a record on it, it was a record to “Frank Sinatra” my favorite ever, I didn’t feel that Chris came behind me, I felt his scent then I realized he was so close, he touched my neck from behind to down my whole back, I didn’t move, but it was shivering, I let him do what he wanted to do, I let him feel me and make me feel him until I lost myself, lost the battle that I knew from the 1st day that I’ll lose it, I gave up to him without fighting him, gave up to that feeling that I know it won’t end well but I wanted too, I won’t lie, enough I can’t lie anymore!
I woke up finding my head on his chest, he was deeply sleeping, he looked so handsome even in his sleep, I tried to get out of the bed but his hand held me, he looked to me with half opened eyes, he asked:
-Where are you going?
-To talk a shower and wear my clothes
-Don’t go now, stay, please.
-Why are you doing this, why you do this with me? why me??
He pulled me to him, then he said:
-Because I want you to be mine. only mine!
-yours!! by just sleeping with me??
-I want you to be mine by everything that word means.
I pushed him, I got up from the bed, covering myself then I said:
-What do you mean? Are you playing with me or something?
He got up too and said:
-No, I’m not playing, you just too afraid to realize it.
-realize that I love you for God’s Sake, enough, Amara, can’t you see, that I really want you?
-How? When? Why? you said before all this is just game for you, so how should I believe??
-Because it’s the truth!
-I can’t, don’t play with me this dirty game and then break me!
-I don’t want to ply or to break you, I really want you…
I looked at him, my eyes were filling with tears, I didn’t say anything I just went to the bathroom and took a shower, wore my clothes when I went outside, he was waiting for me, he said:
-Where are you going?
-I want–to–back to my home, please.
I was crying, I didn’t want him to it, my back was to him, taking my purse, went outside the room, he finished and came to me, we ride the car and the whole way I didn’t talk, I thanked God that he didn’t talk too, he drove me to my home, I went running outside from the car without looking or looking at him, I was afraid, I can’t believe him, believe that man who think of everything as a game, love is game that all depend on sex, I can’t believe what he said!!
I got inside my home, thank God my aunt wasn’t here, I got inside my room, closed it and took a warm bath then put my head on the pillow trying to sleep or to not think, put I can’t, I cried hard, I couldn’t stop….