I took off my heels, threw them on the floor, managed to go to the chair and sat down; I’m tired from trying to run away, run away from what I feel and being the good girl…
I put some red wine and looked at the glass; half full and half empty; the half full reminds me of his eyes and the feeling I feel for him; those feelings that kill me slowly; I don’t know if I can tell you my story from the beginning or do I even know when was the beginning of this story? How did this desire began? How those feelings came to life and hit my heart?
All I remember that I hated him, then became his fan; loved his work of art; and then worked with him. I know he’s with someone else, but is anyone of us can control their dreams; their imagination; their infatuation? can you control the desire that fills you without your permission? can you control the feelings that suddenly comes from nowhere?!
My head is like a box that storage a lot and going to explode; my eyes closed and all what I can see is his eyes, those light brown eyes like the silky honey; those eyes that can take your soul and heart; I can see his face features, handsome and shy with a beautiful smile on his lips; those lips that I wish for…
I can see those lips while talking and that voice, friendly and musical: the glass in my hand and the taste of the wine on my lips like a dream in the night sky that full of stars; that how he makes me feel, a sky full of stars and I’m the sky and he’s the moon, comes to me once or twice.
I don’t remember how I fell in this mistake and loved the one who I shouldn’t love; how a woman like me, strong and knows the right from the wrong falls in this mistake, but then I ask do we have the control on who will we fall in love with?
Oh, my heart, how can you choose that forbidden love? How can you let me go and go to him; he’s not even yours; he doesn’t know or feel what you feel!
I sipped from the wine while walking to my room; but I heard the door knocked, who would come at this time? how can I feel his presence? how can I smell his scent? no way he won’t come to me…
I opened the door and yes, here he is; standing in front of me; tall, dark and handsome;
“Well, I kept calling you, why didn’t you answer the phone?”
I woke myself from my imaginations;
“I think I left it silent!”
“Why did you leave the party without telling me?”
“Why should I tell you everything?”
“Aren’t we friends?”
Friends; yeah, so damn friends…
“Yes, we are.”
“Why did you leave?”
“Why are you here?”
“I got worried; are you okay?”
“I’m totally fine..”
I cant keep looking at his eyes, my heart beats fast; my body shivers feeling cold; I turned my back to him and left him getting inside by himself;
“Do you want a drink?”
I felt his breath, warm and so close to me; his hands on mine; he took the glass from me;
“And you should stop;”
“I’m not drunk..”
I turned and looked at him; he’s so close, I can hear my heart beats fast; I can see his eyes closely; I can’t stay that close to him while I feel that desire, that love, those feelings; I can’t stay so close while knowing he’s loving someone else..
I was going to take a few steps back, far from him, but his hands held mine and stopped me;
“What are you doing?”
“keeping you close to me;”
“Because I don’t know; I hate that feeling;”
“Being with you and can’t be close to you; knowing that you feel the same but can’t do anything because it’s wrong; wanting you, but stopping myself from doing something would make me lose you; desiring you, but trying hard to not feel that way; to fall for you while I’m married…”
“I know, but sometimes we all fall for the forbidden desire; fall for that impossible love; fall for that mistake and even addicted it..”
“That shouldn’t happen; it’s not good;”
“Don’t you get tired of being the good girl, the sweet, lovely, damn friendly girl?”
“Let me go…”
“How can I let you go, while you always wished for me; while you tied me to you even before we met; while you hold me in your heart?”
“I don’t know how this happened?”
“Love never been reasonable, never been realistic; we just fell in love; we just dream and then hold on that love even if it’ll hurt us and give us pain; love and desire, both are dangerous mix; neither you, nor me have anything with it; it came and filled us like the sun fills the sky with its light; the moon fill the night with its beauty; the stars light the darkness; the candles fill the house with its scent; like the perfume you put fills me with wanting; like your eyes fill me with love; like those lips of yours fill me with desire..”
“stop; we can’t; we should not!”
“I know, but also I know that one day you’ll be mine and I’ll be yours; if not in this life, in another one; but till then I won’t let you go nor I’ll make the mistake you’re afraid of;”
He hugged me and whispered;
“One day this won’t be forbidden; because if we are wrong; how love chose us; love never been wrong; maybe you came late; maybe I got married early; maybe there’s nothing called a good time; it just a time…”
“but no one will understand!”
“No one should or have to; it’s our story; you’re mine and I’m yours; our names are written to be together and I know one day we will be together….”
Yes, one day that forbidden desire and love will be written again and again until you and me be one; until you and me be together; until our names be after each other…