Under the rain

I finished crying in the instant that you left
And I can’t remember where or when or how
And I banished every memory you and I had ever made

It’s all coming back to me, song.

The phone kept ringing all the night, the ringtone was so loud, yet, she didn’t answer; she looked at the name on the screen, and all came back to her; all the words he once said, all the promises…

‘I love you’ he said to her, not once, but many times; she didn’t want to believe, but she said why not try for once and be in a relationship, but was she in a relationship?

She looked again at the phone, he kept calling her, she remembered when she used to ask him to be with her because she was in a very dark part in her life and she lost a lot, but now she knew what was making him busy, that he was engaging, even in the funeral she kept looking everywhere might see him, but no, nothing at all!

She laughed hysterically; then the door bell rang; she opened and it was him,

‘Why don’t you answer?’ He asked

She sat on the chair across him and looked at him for sometime, she felt like she was looking at some strange man;

‘Talk to me!’ He said

She took a deep breath, ‘I didn’t want to talk over phone…’

‘I wanted to tell you,’

‘Yeah, you wanted, but didn’t.’ She stopped for a while, then looked at him, ‘ do you love her?’

‘Yes, we know each other for so long,’

‘Nice, congratulations; what do you want from me now?’

‘I want to be with you, in your life, I can’t let you go, I know I’m wrong,  but I can’t let you like this, I don’t want to leave…’

‘Wow, so you want both of us?’

He didn’t say anything, and she continued, ‘you want it all, don’t you?’

‘There was so misunderstanding between us, you kept doing things I told you that I hate not once but many times!’

She laughed, ‘wow, it’s my mistake…’

‘You don’t listen, you never listened!’

He kneeled and held her hands, ‘I know I’m wrong, but please don’t rush anything and let me be here with you…’

‘Are you really here, with me?’ The tears were so close to break her barriers,

‘Yes, I always wanted to be closer and be with you…’

She knew he was lying, she knew he never been honest, she knew that there was something off, but that time she didn’t hear to her scenes, she didn’t hear to her feelings, she just wanted to try, but unfortunately it was with someone not for her and all what he says that’s her fault, yeah, it’s her fault that she didn’t stop, that she kept living a fake relationship all by herself!

‘You know, you’re right, it’s my fault that I opened to you and showed you my vulnerability, it’s my fault that I didn’t respect myself enough to walk away, so for sure you don’t respect me that you want me even after all this, that you want to keep me even though that you never loved me enough to handle my strange temper and yeah, I’m strange, I’m different, difficult and unbearable maybe, but never deserve less…’

She stood, took her bag and her shoes, and went down to the street, it was raining, he was behind her, she looked at him, ‘I’ll be in your life, in your mind, believe me this is the time to feel it all…’

She walked away, let herself crying and releasing all the anger, the pain, all the complicated feelings she felt, she let the rain wash a bit off her, she doesn’t know what’s coming, how she will carry all that pain, but she knows one thing, she’s worthy of a lot and deserves a lot…